Tips For Writing Families
Hello!
Writing about families is always an interesting endeavor. Creating interesting situations, comical accidents, and fun siblings for your protagonist is a lot of fun to do. That being said, families don’t really exist in YA books. Even if there is a family in a book, all too often I read about the family and think, “I’m happy there’s a family in this book, but nothing like this happens in real life.”
I am the oldest of seven brothers and sisters, and lately as I’ve been working on a very family focused writing project, I’ve tried to pinpoint what exactly makes a family realistic, while also being unique, and where that sometimes falls short in stories. I’ve also been working on finding stories that portray families realistically, and finding out what makes fictional families realistic.
Chaos at It’s Finest
The Weasleys are probably my go to example of a big family in stories. They are chaotic and crazy, but at the same time super loving and funny. Everyone is running around in different directions, and somehow Mrs. Weasley manages to keep it all together. At some points, the Weaseys hate each other, but then will stand up for each other just a few minutes later.
There is a special focus on hand-me-downs, especially for Ron, who doesn’t get brand new things. I’ve gotten a few hand-me-downs from older cousins, and I really like it. Butt I think the feeling and longing for something new that is his own thing is very real.
Siblings Through and Through
The Connolys are a great set of siblings. They do have their fair share of problems, and we don’t see Puck’s brothers as much as I would like. But they are so realistic because each brother has his own quirks, and Puck knows what those quirks are. Each sibling has their own desires, personality, and passions.
In real life, everyone has their own motivations. This is why it’s important to really give your character’s family personality and motivations. They don’t need to necessarily be as fleshed out as the protagonist, but they still need to be relatively figured out.
Participation
A lot of the time, a family is only made up of side characters who don’t really impact the story or do things with the main character. But the Blackthorns in Lady Midnight actually participated and did things with the older characters. In fact, the younger kids played a huge role in the story. Without them, the main characters definitely wouldn’t have succeeded.
Often, my siblings will try to participate in things that I do. Even simply asking questions about it or going to recitals and such is very common. There are times when my family sits on the sidelines or stays home, but a lot of the time, my siblings are very involved in each others activities.
Gray Area
With a rewatch of the 2019 Little Women, I realized how unrealistic yet ridiculously realistic the March girls were. In it, Jo and Amy have a very big fight that goes on for years. At one point Amy gets to go to Europe with Aunt March, even though Jo had been promised she would get to go. This was one of my favorite parts of the movie because of the tough arguments that could be made for it.
There are two arguments you could make here. One is that Jo had helped Aunt March longer than Amy had, and that Aunt March had already promised to take Jo to Europe with her. Therefore, Jo should be the one to go. Another argument is that since Amy is the youngest, she often gets forgotten and less attention than her older siblings. And she behaved better than Jo did, so naturally, she should go to Europe.
I watched this movie with a friend who just so happens to be the youngest in her family, and she identified more with Amy’s side while I related more to Jo’s side of the story. The rift between Amy and Jo is one of my favorite things about Little Women because it goes on for years and it’s more than the silly “Who stole my sock” arguments.
“Well, Who did steal my sock?!”
And that brings us to one of the reasons why I didn’t like Little Women. The arguments, if they happened at all, were small and pointless and solved way too fast. The March girls were just too nice to each other. Yes, I love my siblings very much, but that doesn’t mean I don’t hate them at times. The March’s didn’t have anything like that happening, they just argued a little bit, and then solved it quickly and went back to playing way too peacefully.
To sum it up, siblings fight, a lot. And a lot of arguments end up being over silly things, but are treated like life and death. Other times, there are fights that are very big and impactful without any true answer. Brothers and sisters have always argued and will always argue. No family is perfect.
Putting realistic families into stories is a great thing. Families affect us so much, so I think it’s important to try to get them right. Even if a family is in a story, they should have personalities and purpose. Arguments and fights happen- no family is perfect whatsoever. And sometimes there are hard questions that can’t be answered simply with a “good sibling vs. troublemaker” So I hoped this helped you to notice what makes a family realistic and not.
One thing that has been helpful during this writing project is Caetlyn’s Just In Time Writer’s Guide. There is a huge butload of information on different hobbies and activities, but also how kids act at different ages. It’s been a super helpful tool, so make sure to go check it out.
What are some of your favorite families in stories? What do you think makes a realistic or unrealistic family? Until next time!
-Hannah
